Breaking down...

...the last couple of days or even weeks have been extremely exhausting. I don't feel myself at the moment, yet I am close enough to myself to see it and do something about it.
Work is pulling at me, friends are pulling at me, family is pulling at me, tasks are pulling at me - and all I can see is a mountain full of things to do, people to see and I don't know where to start or stop anymore.
Back in the days dealing with those kind of chaotic feelings inside myself would have been much easier - I would have numbed it down with food. Some of my friends would say nowadays I do it with dancing, sex and alcohol. This is far from true. Hey, sometimes I wish it was that easy. But nearly two years ago I made a decision for my life: Stand up for yourself, live your life to the fullest, enjoy every moment. As nice as this may sound it is hard work. And on days like today - when I can no longer rely on comfort food to even out the chaos or fill the void - I have to open myself up to the world. Without thinking about the consequences. Without thinking who might see and read it. Just opening up instead of putting a lid on things.
Feeling the pressure grow and giving it an outage helps the pressure steam off. It keeps me sane. It might not make sense to you - but it helps me and sometimes this is more than enough.
I might not be the perfect employee, the perfect friend, the perfect lover, the perfect daughter or the perfect neighbour - but I am myself and this has to be enough for the world - because it is enough for me.
Thanks for listening folks!